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ESA WCA IB Incapacity Benefit Reassessment Diary for someone with MEcfs Starts Day 1 14 April 2012

(Day 1-5 wk 1 of ESA reassessment)

Sat 14 April 2012

-DWP letter about reassessment from Incapacity Benefit to ESA arrives.
(Belfast / Newcastle)

-Demands phone call.

-Quotes number over 12yr out of date.

-Ignores last IB50 that clearly stated calls not made /received due to self harm suicide risk due to distress/pressure of calls.


(Not due to see another human -unless I go to a shop- for 11 days.)

Slumped to floor on opening DWP IB ESA reassessment letter.


Chest pain.

Tears turn to hysterical choking sobbing.

Screaming shouting – desperately trying not to self harm.

Punching walls.

Can’t think clearly.

Realise last IB reassessment took EIGHT MONTHS (with no tribunal)
[19June-14Feb following year]

Today, DAY ONE is APRIL 14th 2012.
Unlikely this IB reassessment will be complete until 14th DEC 2012 .
If it has to go to Tribunal which is very likely as I have M.E. then it will
not end until mid JULY 2013. And by ATOS’ torturous standards, a new one will begin within weeks of that.

Trying to work out why I should put myself through this hell? This is no quality of life. I’m not *allowed* to participate in society on a good day as ATOS regards that as reason enough to deny me the benefits to which I am legally entitled.

If I had the courage /strength, it would be better all round to end it all now & cut short my distress and suffering. I’m erudite, intelligent, perhaps it would advance the political cause.

I do not know how much I can endure.

ACTION – Day 1

-Write ON letter they’ve made me suicidal/self harm risk.

-Point out Equality Act.

-Remind them last IB50 had clear info on not making / taking calls.

-Demand Subject Access Request.

-Unable to photocopy /post/return until Mon (shop closed-no ink to print)

DAY 2 -Effects
All day/night alone.
Sobbing. Hysterically upset. Hyperventilating.
Punching walls /self harming/ suicidal.
No energy.
No appetite.

Eventually had to email Samaritans

DAY 3 -Effects

All day/night alone.
Sobbing. Hysterically upset. Hyperventilating.
Punching walls /self harming/ suicidal.
No energy.
Had shower

Left home for 20min after 50hours housebound/bedbound.
Only ate after forcing myself to get small take away.

DAY 4 -Effects

All day/night alone.
Sobbing. Hysterically upset. Hyperventilating.
Punching walls /self harming/ suicidal.
No energy.

Left home 15min to go to shop in eve.

DAY 5 -Action

ESA preparation- very stressed.
Took 1hr writing just 3x note form paragraphs explaining the minutae of how I need to chop washing up/laundry/housework into tiny 5-10minute mini tasks – over many days.

How I do bare minimum so as to conserve energy & not cross invisible line.

How I need to list things such as *put pens away*…to chop tidying up into manageable bits. Often days/weeks ahead of a completion date.

ie Washing up isn’t simply washing up.

It’s put stuff that needs washing up in the bucket.- Kitchen sink has been blocked for around 2yr now. Need to investigate with camera when I get around to it.-
Put bucket in shower tray.
Fill with instant hot from shower /kettle. (Less wasteful than heating tankful & not using within 24-48hr before it cools)
Leave to soak.
Sometimes this bit is done several times before I actually see bottom of bucket as it’s knackering & I have to keep laying down between bits so I don’t *cross the line*.

I live in poor housing, that hasn’t been inspected since early Blair years. Blind eye by Env H.
I’m surrounded by black mould if I open my door.
I have no outdoor access.
I cannot escape the noise.

I’m surrounded by selfish pigs for neighbours. Despite reporting Flat13 (Liam) on 22Aug 2011,with 114 itemised incidents, Eastbourne Borough Council have not stopped him. I put myself at risk of eviction by daring to contact the Council.

I now live on a campbed in my kitchen and have done so (1st on the floor until Nov when I bought campbed) since July2011. Eastbourne Environmental Health are fully aware of this.

88 hours a week I’m subjected to thudding weights slamming into foundations/party walls from City Gym.

Constant thudding noise impacts mean that I can rarely rest/ sleep as & when I need to. This makes pacing (not over-doing it/holding energy in reserve-not over-drawing energy) impossible.

I rarely get TWO hours of unbroken sleep. I am frequently woken after less than TWENTY MINUTES.

The arrival of my DWP ESA IB resassessment letter today, has now created a perfect storm.

It is my intention to log on here every step. I hope this log does not prove to be the basis of my inquest. I hope I can find the strength to survive this brutal process and not become yet another ATOS ESA Suicide statistic. But I can’t promise.

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Filed under Cameron welfare reform, ESA, MECFS, WCA